That is when Hobo Lobo decided to sue the mayor and the city government for breach of contract.

‹ Page 5

The judge demanded to see the contract in question and was not satisfied with the explanation that it was a verbal agreement. Lobo was deemed in contempt of the court for bringing up a frivolous suit.

What's more, the mayor countersued the Lobo for blackmail and extortion and won—now he owed a large damage sum and the cost of two trials.


“Today on Chuck Krispin Tells It How It Is: hardcore pornographic leftists, liberal sympathizers, and a heartwarming tale of pure hatred. But first, in the studio with us is none other than the mayor—welcome mayor.”

“Thanks for having me, Chuck. Love your show, never miss it. It's like journalism—only better.”


“Thank you, thank you. Now, earlier today you have resoundingly beaten some very serious charges levied against you in civil court. Care to tell us about dealing with people who’ve clearly divorced themselves from reality?”

“Sure. You see, Chuck, Hamelin is the greatest, richest and freest village known to man—it is a testament to our exceptionalism that our judiciary is free to impartially evaluate the claims of both the upright public servant and his shameless bully. Justice was served today.”

“No doubt. Moving on to more serious matters, Mr. Mayor. Some say that you’re an illegitimate and effete interloper who is destroying the sacred institutions of Family Values and Laissez-Faire Capitalism that have been the cornerstones of Hamelin since God created it in His image—”

“Listen, Chuck, we must put an end to dangerous, treasonous rhetoric that undermines the mayor and the security of this village in a time of crisis. Under my watchful eye, Hamelin may have persevered against one pest, but the un-Hamelinian forces never sleep—they’re plotting right now, biding their time, and —WHAMMO!— before we know what hit us, jackbooted hippies curb-stomping taxpayers everywhere!”


“You paint a grim future, Mr. Mayor.”

“It's dangerous out there. That is why Hamelin needs a powerful, principled and proven leader in this time of relentless tribulation and adversity.”

“Let's take some calls. Hello, listener, you're on the air. Any questions for our guest?”

“Yes, hi. I heard what Mr. Mayor said earlier about it being dangerous out there and my kids are outside RIGHT NOW and I don't know what to do.”

“Mayor? Children?”

“Love your children. That is what it's all about. Explain to them what they should and shouldn't be curious about. As I single-handedly led the prayer vigil into its 74th week, it was our children that I was thinking of. Our children deserve a bright future. A future without all that pestilence and debts brought on by the excess of the mooching classes—” BZZT!!

Page 7 ›
Creative Commons License Almost everything here is made by a Stevan Živadinović
of some sort, or otherwise righteously stolen. Huh?