A week went by and Hamelin was still rat-free. The mayor wasn't coming by to pay the Lobo, so Lobo called the mayors' office.

“Yes, um, my name is Hobo Lobo.”

“We didn't order any, this is some sort
of mistake—”

“No, no, um, I mean, er, I would like to talk to THE MAYOR... about our ARRANGEMENT...”

“He is not available at this time. Good day.”

“Could I please leave a message?”

“We're taking care of it.”

“Care of the message? ...Or do you mean the, erm, INVOICE I am calling about?”

“Yes, it's all good.”

“What is? The invoice?”

“Don't worry about it.”


“It's O.K. Thank you, vote Mayor!”

A by-the-book runaround, thought Hobo Lobo. He had full intention of reaching Dick Mayor one way or another. He played little scenarios in his head where he lectured the mayor about honor and paying one's debts—but in time his righteous passions subsided and he conceded that perhaps there existed reasons for this bullshit. Mayors are busy servants of the public trust, after all. They have a lot on their minds. Sometimes things just accidentally fall through the cracks.

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A more hands-on approach was in order. Lobo dusted off his best suit and headed downtown. He maneuvered through the thick gooey protocol traps laid out by the bureaucracy and busted in on the mayor.


He apologized for distracting the mayor from the affairs of state, promised to be brief and reminded him that he was owed—in compensation for services rendered—an insurmountable mountain of treasure.


“I will gladly be discreet about all the help I provided you and the city—because I am well aware of how this shit works—but I would not think twice to draw attention to your unhonored dues were it to come to that.”


“You damn rotten MEATBAG!” the mayor flipped out. “No, no, ‘meatbag’ is too good for you—you're not worth the meat that's hanging on yer bones—you're a ‘heatbag’, just a brief exothermic reaction in the void—AT MOST a fleeting fart in the pleasant breeze of my existence—HOW DARE YOU come to my house and threaten me—ME!—the Anointed Savior of Hamelin!?”

And his goons threw the bewildered Lobo out.

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Creative Commons License Almost everything here is made by a Stevan Živadinović
of some sort, or otherwise righteously stolen. Huh?